Times have changed. We live in a world where even the most unremarkable situations are celebrated. Each and every minor step forward or annual tradition is greeted with cake and gifts and holidays. We've just about saturated every last moment in our wholly interchangeable lives with cheers and chocolates. The significance of festivities have been drawn out and made mostly hollow. As a result, there is a large amount of resentment towards events of this nature that seem to only serve to congratulate otherwise ordinary individuals. The target that seems to receive the largest amount of vitriol under this indignation is quite obviously St. Valentine's Day (or V-Day if you're hip (we are not hip and will continue to call it St. Valentine's Day)). But unknown to these detractors, they've sided with the wrong team. The war on holidays is not one worth fighting, because they fight for all the wrong reasons.
You know the combatants that struggle against the inevitable 14th of every February; they don't do any thing. At least, not any one particular thing to stem the assured wave of candy hearts, grinning advertisements and unmitigated sugar-coated cash-in flicks. They don't do anything because there's nothing to do about all of it. So they sweat and pout and bleat vapidly, joining in the choir of critics that rail against this most useless of holidays; none of them aware of how hopeless they've become.
The following is a courtesy message for those of you who year in and year out treat us to your sour moods and regurgitated rhetoric:
Sit down and shut your damn mouths you entitled bunch of pansy poltroons. It's time you were told the kind of fool you're making of yourself and every living single man and woman. It's a singular kind of embarrassment we all experience knowing that people like you exist and make such inflated asses of yourselves under the pretense being right-minded and sensible in your complaints. You are not right to hate St. Valentine's Day. You are, in fact, wrong to do so. You are so incredibly wrong that those of us who know better have no other choice now than to educate you until we have nothing left but coarse insults to project violently in your direction. You're making the rest of us look bad, and it's time that was remedied.
So let this be an opportunity to gain that valuable perspective that you so obviously require. Don't let another Valentine's Day pass by while you continue to fancy yourself a victim.
Let's get one thing straight: St. Valentine's Day is not about you. Stop thinking that it is. This issue is by far the simplest to understand, so we'll start here. There is an intractably immature attitude toward St. Valentine's Day among the denigrators and the grumblers that is planted principally in the concept that the holiday is dedicated towards celebrating one's twosome by spending money on superfluous themed objects and pricy dinner dates. This appearance of "can buy you love" seems to strike some people so violently that it has become a major point of contention. We interpret this as corporate-anguish. People have a reflexive dislike for the focus on showing how much you care for someone by buying your way into it. For instance, look how much malevolence Christmas receives because of its ties with huge shopping trips and extravagant family affairs (despite the fact that everyone likes presents).
People don't like being expected to prove with dollar counts the seriousness of their affections. And where this might be a reasonable feeling to have associated with St. Valentine's Day, it's also seriously flawed. If you don't want to play ball with the corporate attitude of the mainstream holidays, that's fine. But that's how things are; each and every holiday has its own super-sales and fiscal goals. They can't be subverted, but they can be ignored. No one is forcing you to get involved. If you don't want to be a spender this St. Valentine's Day, that's entirely your prerogative. And while you're holding back, feel free to keep quiet about the evils of big bad businesses turning annual celebrations into cash cows. Pardon the rest of us that like to participate in excessive spending. In line with Christmas, some people like having an excuse to blow inordinate amount of cash for other people's benefit. It makes us feel good, so quit trashing a good thing.
The second cause we found for St. Valentine's Day bashing, and ultimately the most recurrent, is the deprecator who fancies him or herself a victim. Understanding that by saying this, we place an open invitation to all couples who take issue with St. Valentine's Day, but that risk is outweighed by the inherent rightness of the point. Chiefly, the people who concern themselves with the pointlessness of this holiday are predictably single people. Now, taking note that being single during St. Valentine's Day might feel like you're being forced to endure some sort of rigorous trial, but be assured, any torture you suffer is entirely of your own making. The truth of the matter is, single men and women have no place to resent St. Valentine's Day as long as they remain single.
The 14th of February is a day allotted to the men and women who are relationship-bound and hope to remain that way. For that day of the year, and that day only, the responsibility of being a significant other is multiplied considerably. The function of being single on the other hand does not change; if anything, it becomes less challenging. No one is expecting you to shell-out for a trite heart-shaped diamond necklace from Zales. No one is basing the future of your engagement on an expensive bottle of wine, because you have no such engagement. You're not to demanded to be sweeter or act with an enhanced sense of care and appreciation. No one is asking anything of you on St. Valentine's Day if you're single. Our expectations of you are a sum of nothing. Literally nothing is being required of you; so I think it's only fair that those of you who raise your voices in protest of the day instead opt to be mute and be thankful for everyone's low expectations.
On the flip side, we realize that single people largely do not wish to be single and they vent their lonely frustration towards a day celebrating couples. So it's only fair that we also berate and rebuke this asinine notion as well as the others.
It seems like the issue here is that single people have become big spineless babies in our culture, too busy feeling sorry for themselves to bother rectifying their situation in a concrete and productive way. Worse than that, they consider their situation so disastrous that not only would escaping loneliness amount to climbing out of a black hole, but they have to let everyone know how difficult and depressing their life has become because of this circumstance. Lightly put, we can't seem to wrap our heads around why people resort to this behavior. Let's be perfectly clear about this: there is nothing upsetting about being single in it's own right. We can sympathize with the desire to find a mate and eventually copulate. No one is taking a dig at the primal human urges, our even the more sophisticated need for interpersonal connections. These attributes emerge in most people naturally and the impulse to fulfill them can be somewhat powerful.
That being said, sulking around and feeling sorry for yourself is not constructive, fruitful or particularly attractive. You want to find a mate, right? Then fix yourself up, comb your hair and do something useful about it (and for heaven's sake, tuck in your shirt – I can't believe we still have to tell people this). You have no business being spiteful towards a holiday for reminding you of your ineptitude. The bottom line is that the majority of St. Valentine's Day malice is a projection from indolent individuals who are upset with themselves. If people just dealt with their own issues without making it someone else's fault (in the case, it's an idea – not even a thing), then the ill will regarding St. Valentine's Day will almost entirely evaporate. Instead, we're treated to this yearly animosity headed by people with low self-worth (who also don't tuck in their shirts).
In conclusion, it's unlikely that any of this conjecture will be an instrument of change or persuasion to anyone who is devoutly against St. Valentine's Day. Those who believe these days believe hard. And all the more power to them. Sincerely, we wish strength and passion to all members of our generation, since both of those things seem to be at a deficit for some reason or another. If we had to get into specifics (and we do), we would press the importance of that passion being directed towards betterment and rectification, not that anyone sees the value in that these days. If you look around, the popular opinion is that there's more merit in indifference and disapproval. Cynicism rules the youth, and it's brining us all down. It's why we have people complaining about holidays instead of celebrating them. Does that sound backwards to you yet? People are rebelling against positive feelings. Is there something in the water?
So as a last reach for sanity, we ask that we seal away holiday hate for good and get back to enjoying our flood of celebrations. And for every single man and woman who still lambastes the 14th of February, please don't do so out of hate. Find your own way to celebrate the holidays that don't include you instead of striking out with passive aggression. It's our guarantee to you that there is more pleasure to be found that way.
And also, we hear there are lots of other lonely single people hitting the bars tonight. Maybe that's your thing? Make good decisions, man. (And tuck in your shirt already!)
Note: "Valentine's Day" is substituted with "St. Valentine's Day" for formality in face of our cursing and raving – and additionally to avoid being confused with the un-film of the same name in theaters now.
